I've taken several blood oaths in regard to this primitive medium which you call a website.

First, this site's been certified as being completely techno-demon free. As a result, while surfing here, you'll never have to worry about being inadvertantly teleported to other, warmer planes of existence. Nor will you have to worry about your soul being expropriated, at least not without proper authorization.

Second, if you choose to leave your email with me, please note it won't be tortured or otherwise agonized into divulging your deepest and darkest secrets. Indeed, it will be treated with the utmost respect and will be fed, clothed and walked at regular intervals in the Piezoelectric Manor, where all such emails reside.

Third, you're free to leave this site as long as you behave politely. However, if you act rudely, please be aware that your exit privileges may be revoked, subject to my absolute discretion.